Sasquatch In Monument!

**Breaking News: Sasquatch Spotted in Monument, Colorado—Blurrier Than Ever!**

Monument, Colorado—Hold onto your chickens and squint harder, folks! The legendary Sasquatch has reportedly been sighted between Monument and Palmer Lake. Witnesses describe the creature as "tall, dark, and hairy"—but most intriguing of all, it appears he is *naturally blurry*.

This mind-bending revelation has left locals scratching their heads (and adjusting their camera settings). "It’s not just our phones or shaky hands," said one baffled resident. "Even my eagle-eyed grandma swears he looked fuzzy, like a living, breathing Bigfoot pixel."

Hiding among the trees, Sasquatch has sparked both amazement and terror. One local chicken farmer reports his prized hens are "clucking nervously" since the cryptid’s cameo. "My chickens refuse to come out of the coop—they think it’s a hairy shadow monster," the farmer grumbled.

With his dark brown fur and innate ability to make HD cameras lose all hope, Sasquatch seems intent on living up to his mystique. Monument's mayor addressed the phenomenon during a hastily organized press conference: "Honestly, we thought Ted from accounting was back at it in his bear suit—until we realized no amount of soft-focus could recreate *this* level of blur."

As panic rises, some townsfolk are attempting to appease the blurry beast with offerings of beef jerky and oversized fuzzy slippers. Others propose unconventional methods, like using portrait mode and hiring professional photographers to catch the cryptid in higher definition.

For now, Monument remains in suspense. Residents are advised to hide their chickens, secure their snacks, and dust off their binoculars—just don’t expect them to help with clarity.

Stay safe, Monument, and brace for fuzziness!